In addition to my normal job (which is going great by the way!), I have been doing some informal teaching as a lighting designer at a youth theater and a speech coach at my alma mater (yes, these are jobs). Now that my coaching and designing are over for the season, I've realized that I was indeed a teacher and that these students of mine have learned things from me and wow is that cool.
It really hit home for me at the last interactions I had with my students. For the speech team, that was an end of year dinner, and for the theater, it was when our last show closed on Sunday.
At the end of year dinner, the head coach spoke about every student on the team, but when he finished his acknowledgements, the team then spoke about each of their coaches. My senior original orators spoke about me as a coach, and one of them recounted the first day I came to practice. I was working with another student on her performance, and instead of taking notes and letting her run the piece once or twice, I kept stopping her and we went through the introduction in parts for an extended period of time. We worked on her intonation, her gestures, and getting her to stop using a "public speaking" voice in favor of a more natural tone. This was a normal practice for me because it is a truth universally acknowledged that we teach how we were taught. I pretty much forgot about it until she brought it up again, and it really made an impression on her! She had never seen coaching like that before. And later in the season she and I did the same thing for her speech. The other student talked about how I seemed to approach all of my work with the team with care and love. They also said that getting to know me gave them hope for their own futures, to know that it is possible to go to college, keep loving the things that they love, and come back as the cool alumna. It is no secret that I do not self identify as "cool." That evening, I felt like I was truly acknowledged and appreciated for the work that I had been doing throughout the speech season, that I wasn't just an extra person, and that I made a difference.
And the tangible results of my teaching? All of my orators made it to the state competition. So proud.
The show was a very different type of experience. There were four shows in the season: a teen play, two kids' musicals, and a teen musical. The kids' shows are for 2nd-9th graders, and they are two casts of nearly 100 kids each doing big ensemble musicals. The teen shows are a little more interesting. As lighting designer, I get to do more interesting work on the teen shows than on the kid shows because I can shape space more and use different angles and effects without compromising the product that they parents see. For the kids, my job is for every relative to see the face of their child on stage. I anticipated that this would be solitary work, that I would just do my programming and leave, but the teen run crew and cast needed some coaching from me. First of all, I had an amazing 14-year-old board op who really wanted to learn about lighting. I would narrate for her how I made the looks for the shows, what choices I was making about angle and shape and color and timing, and she really got it! By the end of the teen shows, she was running them on her own perfectly (on the Express and using the follow spot! By herself!). It was really impressive to me to see how much she had learned about running the shows over the course of the year.
I also worked out a system with the backstage run crew so they could work the house lights (it's a super old theater) and be able to do their set changes safely. With the actors, there were always those who would step out of their light. I would tell them that the light is there based on where they are supposed to stand, and if they are uncomfortable in the spot then they're probably in their light. Young performers invariably stand five feet to the left of their light. It just always happens. But in this last show, I saw a performer learn how to find her light during a show, and it was so gratifying to see that the notes were heard and the students learned something. It was also really great to see the design as it was originally conceptualized. Anyway, at the end of every show of the season, the cast gives gifts to the staff, and they always say a few words before presenting the gift. No matter how frustrated I was after sitting through the rehearsals and shows for two or three weeks, when they thanked me, it all felt worthwhile. I think some of the teens really came to appreciate me as a mentor and not just the designer.
These two jobs are my side gigs, the ones I do for fun, the ones that let me be artistic and creative. Well, sort of artistic and creative. There's only so much I can do with 100 small children on stage. But I digress.
The moral is that I watched young people transition from doing things that did not work to doing things that did work and they figured out what things work as the result of my coaching. And that is a crazy awesome thing to observe.
Today is awesome because I had some really good conversations with people and it was sunny and my workout was good and there are two people in my workout class who were at the same concert as me last week and we connected today through our love of the band.
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Monday, May 18, 2015
On Subjects, Objects, and the Scale of Celebrity
This is a very conceptual and slightly intellectual post. I have been pondering this topic for a long time and I finally have some words for the ideas. It's been eating at me the last week and a half, so I'm writing this post to get the thoughts from my brain to someplace tangible so I can keep developing my theory.
I think I began thinking about this topic in the fall of 2010 when I went to my first YouTube meetup. You can read that post here, but I talked about what it was like to meet people I had been watching online for years in person (point #2 in the post, it is a trainwreck from my first few days of blogging ever-what a throwback). They seemed to be the same in person as they were in their videos, but there was this weird dynamic of me knowing so much about them from what they share publicly (like a college major or relationship status) and them having no clue who I am because I am not a public figure the way they are. But it was as if they had jumped out of my computer screen and were suddenly standing right in front of me, and it was really cool.
Fast forward three years, and 3/5 of those YouTubers have been brought forth as manipulative and abusive humans. And when all of this news broke, it got me thinking about that strange dynamic of knowing vs. not knowing and how that creates a power dynamic in which the person who is known, the "celebrity," has power because the "fan" has an obvious affection for the person and/or the work that they do. But when the "celebrities" are producing all of their own content in a way that any "fan" could also produce content, where is the transition point that places them in these categories rather than having them just be people who are humans occupying the same space? I don't mean this in an exclusively romantic/sexual situation, which is the dialogue around the YouTube abuse situation and is covered really well at http://uplifttogether.tumblr.com/. I am thinking about it in the most innocent sense-having friendly conversations with people whose work you admire or personalities gel with your own. When does the power dynamic shift so that you can just be friends?
I've had a few more experiences where this idea has been floating around. In college, I worked on a pro-wrestling style show for all four years. The premise surrounding professional wrestling, or wrestling entertainment, is that the audience is as much of a character as the wrestlers themselves. As they get involved in the matches with cheering or chanting or booing or calling out to help the wrestlers they prefer, they become part of the performance. Later in college, I learned about immersive theater, where the physical boundaries between performer and audience member are deconstructed. When you can literally touch the performer, what does that do to the performer-audience relationship? The traditional structure is gone and you are completely absorbed by the world of the production.
And how does this all tie together? When there is a performer-audience dynamic, be it in a theater, a wrestling arena, a concert, or over the internet, the performer is an object to the audience. But here's where the esoteric sociology/performance studies stuff kicks in: every individual is constantly putting on a performance of self for the world to observe. So we are all constantly performers and audience members; however, there are scenarios where this is more heightened than others.
I can think of two examples at the extremes of the spectrum. The first is the more obvious sort of performer-audience scenario, one where this is the explicit dynamic and the associated etiquette is in place. At a Broadway show, the audience sits in their assigned seats, reacts appropriately to the content, and takes in what the actors are doing without thinking about the humanity of the individuals because they are focused on the story unfolding in front of them. This dynamic is flipped when the audience members wait to meet the actors at the stage door. At this point, the actors are not their characters, no longer objects in the story, and the audience is confronted with their subjectivity rather than the simple view through the fourth wall of them as an object. The etiquette moves from a highly structured interaction to two humans having a conversation, but the actor holds a degree of celebrity status to the audience member or fan.
My second example is far more mundane. I was recently working on a show where all the actors and run crew were teens. At a certain point, I suddenly felt watched and judged and like I had a starring role in someone's headcanon. It was really weird. And then I realized that I had reached the age and status of being interesting and cool without trying to be any of those things. Somehow I had become one of those people who I had once looked up to, those camp counselors who were five years older than me who I adamantly denied were anything other than human to me even though they were, the "celebrity" of the adult professionals on this production. I still don't know how to feel about it. It is really cool to be that person the teens look up to, but it is also crazy because I still feel like I have so much to learn. My approach is to just be human around them, to behave normally and interact with them as equals. I think it's working.
[It was also a bit jarring because (and I don't know how this nonsense developed) I always expect people not to remember me. It's the Harriet Jones thing from Doctor Who: "yes, we know who you are." Except instead of taking it in stride the way the character does (since it is literally every single conversation), I am internally shocked and confused at what made me memorable (this goes for people who I've met in ordinary circumstances and for people who I connect with in unconventional ways). And I need to get over it because I'm not in an environment where people meet thirty new people every day and therefore forget every single one of them. I am unique and memorable and I can be confident about it! I'm trying to live my life unapologetically, which, to me, means permission to take risks because I have no reason to apologize for following my gut and existing.]
So, the real question is, when does the line between celebrity and fan go away? Can I communicate the barrier out of existence? Can a person who is a subject to me in the "off" state be an object to me in the "on" state? Do I become an object as an audience member to the performer having a subjective experience? And how do we wield our celebrity power responsibly?
I'm still working on this. I think I really want communication to be a solution to this problem of power. That if we are honest enough and normal enough, that division begins to weaken. By normal, I mean our selves rather than a character or persona we put on. But that deepens this question of subjects, objects, and the scale of celebrity to one of interactions to what the essence of identity is, and that's a post for another day. For now, I'm just going to keep thinking on this idea and make sure I respond to these gradients in a responsible way whether I am the fan or the celebrity. It's just about all I can do.
Today is awesome because I have the privilege of going home at the end of the day for the first time in many weeks.
I think I began thinking about this topic in the fall of 2010 when I went to my first YouTube meetup. You can read that post here, but I talked about what it was like to meet people I had been watching online for years in person (point #2 in the post, it is a trainwreck from my first few days of blogging ever-what a throwback). They seemed to be the same in person as they were in their videos, but there was this weird dynamic of me knowing so much about them from what they share publicly (like a college major or relationship status) and them having no clue who I am because I am not a public figure the way they are. But it was as if they had jumped out of my computer screen and were suddenly standing right in front of me, and it was really cool.
Fast forward three years, and 3/5 of those YouTubers have been brought forth as manipulative and abusive humans. And when all of this news broke, it got me thinking about that strange dynamic of knowing vs. not knowing and how that creates a power dynamic in which the person who is known, the "celebrity," has power because the "fan" has an obvious affection for the person and/or the work that they do. But when the "celebrities" are producing all of their own content in a way that any "fan" could also produce content, where is the transition point that places them in these categories rather than having them just be people who are humans occupying the same space? I don't mean this in an exclusively romantic/sexual situation, which is the dialogue around the YouTube abuse situation and is covered really well at http://uplifttogether.tumblr.com/. I am thinking about it in the most innocent sense-having friendly conversations with people whose work you admire or personalities gel with your own. When does the power dynamic shift so that you can just be friends?
I've had a few more experiences where this idea has been floating around. In college, I worked on a pro-wrestling style show for all four years. The premise surrounding professional wrestling, or wrestling entertainment, is that the audience is as much of a character as the wrestlers themselves. As they get involved in the matches with cheering or chanting or booing or calling out to help the wrestlers they prefer, they become part of the performance. Later in college, I learned about immersive theater, where the physical boundaries between performer and audience member are deconstructed. When you can literally touch the performer, what does that do to the performer-audience relationship? The traditional structure is gone and you are completely absorbed by the world of the production.
And how does this all tie together? When there is a performer-audience dynamic, be it in a theater, a wrestling arena, a concert, or over the internet, the performer is an object to the audience. But here's where the esoteric sociology/performance studies stuff kicks in: every individual is constantly putting on a performance of self for the world to observe. So we are all constantly performers and audience members; however, there are scenarios where this is more heightened than others.
I can think of two examples at the extremes of the spectrum. The first is the more obvious sort of performer-audience scenario, one where this is the explicit dynamic and the associated etiquette is in place. At a Broadway show, the audience sits in their assigned seats, reacts appropriately to the content, and takes in what the actors are doing without thinking about the humanity of the individuals because they are focused on the story unfolding in front of them. This dynamic is flipped when the audience members wait to meet the actors at the stage door. At this point, the actors are not their characters, no longer objects in the story, and the audience is confronted with their subjectivity rather than the simple view through the fourth wall of them as an object. The etiquette moves from a highly structured interaction to two humans having a conversation, but the actor holds a degree of celebrity status to the audience member or fan.
My second example is far more mundane. I was recently working on a show where all the actors and run crew were teens. At a certain point, I suddenly felt watched and judged and like I had a starring role in someone's headcanon. It was really weird. And then I realized that I had reached the age and status of being interesting and cool without trying to be any of those things. Somehow I had become one of those people who I had once looked up to, those camp counselors who were five years older than me who I adamantly denied were anything other than human to me even though they were, the "celebrity" of the adult professionals on this production. I still don't know how to feel about it. It is really cool to be that person the teens look up to, but it is also crazy because I still feel like I have so much to learn. My approach is to just be human around them, to behave normally and interact with them as equals. I think it's working.
[It was also a bit jarring because (and I don't know how this nonsense developed) I always expect people not to remember me. It's the Harriet Jones thing from Doctor Who: "yes, we know who you are." Except instead of taking it in stride the way the character does (since it is literally every single conversation), I am internally shocked and confused at what made me memorable (this goes for people who I've met in ordinary circumstances and for people who I connect with in unconventional ways). And I need to get over it because I'm not in an environment where people meet thirty new people every day and therefore forget every single one of them. I am unique and memorable and I can be confident about it! I'm trying to live my life unapologetically, which, to me, means permission to take risks because I have no reason to apologize for following my gut and existing.]
So, the real question is, when does the line between celebrity and fan go away? Can I communicate the barrier out of existence? Can a person who is a subject to me in the "off" state be an object to me in the "on" state? Do I become an object as an audience member to the performer having a subjective experience? And how do we wield our celebrity power responsibly?
I'm still working on this. I think I really want communication to be a solution to this problem of power. That if we are honest enough and normal enough, that division begins to weaken. By normal, I mean our selves rather than a character or persona we put on. But that deepens this question of subjects, objects, and the scale of celebrity to one of interactions to what the essence of identity is, and that's a post for another day. For now, I'm just going to keep thinking on this idea and make sure I respond to these gradients in a responsible way whether I am the fan or the celebrity. It's just about all I can do.
Today is awesome because I have the privilege of going home at the end of the day for the first time in many weeks.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
2014 Happened
A lot happened in 2014. My year in review:
January:
DOLPHIN. Shrek took up most of my time. I wrote the first draft of my thesis. My classes were Family and Society, Thesis Seminar, and Sociological Theory. Had my first professional lighting gig for the SASA show. Began interviewing for my job.
February:
Helped out with Next to Normal, Querido, Cats Cradle, and Animal Style. Presented my thesis to the class and finished more drafts. I sprained my ankle.
March:
I had a birthday!! My fourth Dance Marathon happened and was wonderful. I did so much programming and learned a lot. I turned in my thesis, and it felt so good to finish that work. I spent two days of spring break interviewing in person for my job.
April:
Went back to school for my final term. Designed for a dance show that changed a lot of things for me. Everything broke at least twice and it was a frustrating week, but I became so much more confident as a lighting designer and fell in love with dance lighting. I got my job. I helped out with The Lilliput Troupe tech. My classes were Advanced Creative Drama, Gender Sexuality and Health, and literature class. I had no classes on Tuesdays or Thursdays in a really wonderful way.
May:
My shows were Theatre Stands with Autism, Henry IV, Animals Out of Paper (mentorship/casual help), ballroom dance mentorship, Sweeney Todd, Peter Pan, and Wrestlepocalypse. I went to the lighting rental place for five weeks in a row and had weekly banter with the warehouse manager. I taught drama to children and it changed my life. I drove a U-Haul for a long distance for the first time and had literally no issues, including backing the truck into a loading dock on the first attempt.
June:
Mayfest Music Festival. Graduation. Working for Starkid. Moving. Spent a lot of time with close college friends before things changed for good. Bought a car.
July:
Car, apartment, trip to see Starkid shows. Life happening. Swimming.
August:
Started the job! Joined a gym (pool membership ended). Said goodbye to friends moving all over the country.
September:
Labor Day was my first day off in a long run of holidays. Found a really good gym routine. Did TRX Suspension Training. Started going to social events.
October:
Travel for a family event and university homecoming. Started seeing a new doctor.
November:
Back to TRX. I did (and won!) NaNoWriMo. Took a trip to see Amanda Palmer on her book tour. Did a lot of everything. Work intensified: Super Sunday, Camp Fair, Dialathon, Big Event. Plus my first show with the youth theater (yay going pro for realsies!). November was really busy.
December:
Two weeks of Peter Pan. One week of influenza. Closing the fundraising campaign. Two long weekends for Christmas and New Years.
It's been a really big year. There have been artistic endeavors, wonderful friendships, and big life events. I maybe wish I had blogged more, but the events themselves are great memories and document the year really well.
Here's to 2015 being another great year! May it be happy, healthy, full of love, and things happening that we want and/or need.
Today is awesome because I am approaching a long weekend. And there's only one more page on my page a day calendar.
January:
DOLPHIN. Shrek took up most of my time. I wrote the first draft of my thesis. My classes were Family and Society, Thesis Seminar, and Sociological Theory. Had my first professional lighting gig for the SASA show. Began interviewing for my job.
February:
Helped out with Next to Normal, Querido, Cats Cradle, and Animal Style. Presented my thesis to the class and finished more drafts. I sprained my ankle.
March:
I had a birthday!! My fourth Dance Marathon happened and was wonderful. I did so much programming and learned a lot. I turned in my thesis, and it felt so good to finish that work. I spent two days of spring break interviewing in person for my job.
April:
Went back to school for my final term. Designed for a dance show that changed a lot of things for me. Everything broke at least twice and it was a frustrating week, but I became so much more confident as a lighting designer and fell in love with dance lighting. I got my job. I helped out with The Lilliput Troupe tech. My classes were Advanced Creative Drama, Gender Sexuality and Health, and literature class. I had no classes on Tuesdays or Thursdays in a really wonderful way.
May:
My shows were Theatre Stands with Autism, Henry IV, Animals Out of Paper (mentorship/casual help), ballroom dance mentorship, Sweeney Todd, Peter Pan, and Wrestlepocalypse. I went to the lighting rental place for five weeks in a row and had weekly banter with the warehouse manager. I taught drama to children and it changed my life. I drove a U-Haul for a long distance for the first time and had literally no issues, including backing the truck into a loading dock on the first attempt.
June:
Mayfest Music Festival. Graduation. Working for Starkid. Moving. Spent a lot of time with close college friends before things changed for good. Bought a car.
July:
Car, apartment, trip to see Starkid shows. Life happening. Swimming.
August:
Started the job! Joined a gym (pool membership ended). Said goodbye to friends moving all over the country.
September:
Labor Day was my first day off in a long run of holidays. Found a really good gym routine. Did TRX Suspension Training. Started going to social events.
October:
Travel for a family event and university homecoming. Started seeing a new doctor.
November:
Back to TRX. I did (and won!) NaNoWriMo. Took a trip to see Amanda Palmer on her book tour. Did a lot of everything. Work intensified: Super Sunday, Camp Fair, Dialathon, Big Event. Plus my first show with the youth theater (yay going pro for realsies!). November was really busy.
December:
Two weeks of Peter Pan. One week of influenza. Closing the fundraising campaign. Two long weekends for Christmas and New Years.
It's been a really big year. There have been artistic endeavors, wonderful friendships, and big life events. I maybe wish I had blogged more, but the events themselves are great memories and document the year really well.
Here's to 2015 being another great year! May it be happy, healthy, full of love, and things happening that we want and/or need.
Today is awesome because I am approaching a long weekend. And there's only one more page on my page a day calendar.
Monday, September 29, 2014
My Favorite Thing about Autumn
I really like Autumn. Autumn and Spring are my favorite seasons for the same reasons: colors and moderate weather.
Today, I was driving down a tree-lined street, looking into the distance at a cluster of trees, and there were so many colors. The sun was shining, it was about 70 degrees Fahrenheit outside, and the trees were all shades of red, orange, yellow, and green. It was beautiful.
I grew up on a street lined with red maple trees, and they all changed at the same time. There are so many cycles that begin again in Autumn, and noticing the colors of the trees made me appreciate the beauty and reality of the changing seasons. We may be on a countdown until winter, but this transition is one of my favorite times of the year.
Today is awesome because I saw all of the colors in the trees.
Today, I was driving down a tree-lined street, looking into the distance at a cluster of trees, and there were so many colors. The sun was shining, it was about 70 degrees Fahrenheit outside, and the trees were all shades of red, orange, yellow, and green. It was beautiful.
I grew up on a street lined with red maple trees, and they all changed at the same time. There are so many cycles that begin again in Autumn, and noticing the colors of the trees made me appreciate the beauty and reality of the changing seasons. We may be on a countdown until winter, but this transition is one of my favorite times of the year.
Today is awesome because I saw all of the colors in the trees.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Smartphones and Pockets: A Rant
So...it's been a while. Life has been happening! Since I've last written, I took a trip to see the professional shows I worked on, moved into my own apartment, and started my job. I also got hired to be the lighting designer for a youth theater group and am doing a 5-show season. All is well. It was a time of planning and spreadsheets and execution of plans, and I'm actually quite happily stable right now. I just don't have the most robust social life, but that will come. I'm not worried.
But that's not what I want to talk about today. Today, I want to talk about the size of smartphones relative to the size of pockets in clothing.
It is no secret that I am super angry about the lack of useful pockets in women's clothing. Our pants pockets are so much shallower than male counterparts that I have seriously considered buying men's pants just for the pockets. I went as far as trying on a pair of jeans. I was that serious. Anyway, with the size of smartphones these days (the larger iPhones and the crazy huge Samsung phones), where are we supposed to put these devices? I can't fit my smaller iPhone in the pocket of the pants I'm wearing today, let alone attempting to fit a larger device. And even though these things are getting thinner and lighter, that doesn't mean they can fit in pockets.
So I'm going to propose a crazy solution: PUT BETTER POCKETS IN WOMEN'S CLOTHING! That means jeans, trousers, skirts, dresses, blazers, cardigans...everything. There is a disconnect between the technology industry and the fashion industry that needs to be reconciled.
I cannot feel my phone vibrate if it is in a purse. I don't even like carrying a purse. So give me decent pockets.
Today is awesome because it is nearly a long weekend.
But that's not what I want to talk about today. Today, I want to talk about the size of smartphones relative to the size of pockets in clothing.
It is no secret that I am super angry about the lack of useful pockets in women's clothing. Our pants pockets are so much shallower than male counterparts that I have seriously considered buying men's pants just for the pockets. I went as far as trying on a pair of jeans. I was that serious. Anyway, with the size of smartphones these days (the larger iPhones and the crazy huge Samsung phones), where are we supposed to put these devices? I can't fit my smaller iPhone in the pocket of the pants I'm wearing today, let alone attempting to fit a larger device. And even though these things are getting thinner and lighter, that doesn't mean they can fit in pockets.
So I'm going to propose a crazy solution: PUT BETTER POCKETS IN WOMEN'S CLOTHING! That means jeans, trousers, skirts, dresses, blazers, cardigans...everything. There is a disconnect between the technology industry and the fashion industry that needs to be reconciled.
I cannot feel my phone vibrate if it is in a purse. I don't even like carrying a purse. So give me decent pockets.
Today is awesome because it is nearly a long weekend.
Friday, July 4, 2014
Graduation and Such
So...I graduated. 2 weeks ago, actually. It was kind of crazy. I'm not really sure what you're supposed to feel at this milestone, but I really just felt like a bunch of ceremonies. It doesn't feel real. I think it's only going to feel real when my friends go back to school and I don't.
Anyway, my family got to town on the Wednesday of graduation week. I saw them before heading off to Last Lecture with a friend. The lecturer was awesome; she had a great speaking style that resonated with every person in the room. She gave us six life lessons:
Anyway, my family got to town on the Wednesday of graduation week. I saw them before heading off to Last Lecture with a friend. The lecturer was awesome; she had a great speaking style that resonated with every person in the room. She gave us six life lessons:
- Find out who you are. Do this by talking to people at bars because it is one of the few venues for unscripted interpersonal interaction.
- Develop your politics. Strive for justice.
- Think critically, see how power works, and navigate accordingly.
- If you see something, say something.
- Pay attention to artists. And pay artists.
- Aim for a balanced life.
It was a great speech.
The following day, I just hung out with my mom and we had the first of two family dinners. Friday was the big day: Commencement. I took the shuttle to the stadium with my dorm friend, and then we had to split up because we were in different colleges within the university. I didn't know the people I was sitting with, but I ended up texting my family and snapchatting my friends at the critical moments I wanted to share. My three closest friends attended the ceremony, and it was fun to find them in the crowd based on the pictures they were sending me. I felt like Sherlock with my deductive abilities.
I made the terrible mistake of choosing to walk back from the stadium in my commencement shoes, so I had to take a rest stop just past the halfway point. My friend was kind enough to provide a couch and water, and i was a bit of a mess at that point. It took me an hour and a half to return to my dorm to regroup, and then I met my family to go to my departmental ceremony. We got our certificates for the award of distinction for the thesis (I also had honors), and it was the last time I had to talk about that research. Then I took a shower and a nap before the second family dinner.
Saturday was the convocation ceremony for my college, and I had breakfast and the mandatory family photo shoot before heading to the stadium. I sat with friends from my thesis seminar because we were seated by major. The convocation speaker was an alumnus and gave the best speech of the weekend. I have another alum friend who was a senior when I was a freshman who is now a professional photographer, and it was cool to see him there. He took my picture which felt really special. My friend who was on DM and Wrestlepocalypse with me cheered for me as I walked across the stage in the third to last major, and then the thing was over. I took some more pictures, returned my academic regalia, and got on a bus back to campus so I could move out that afternoon. In the evening after checking out of the dorm my dad and I got caught in a huge rainstorm, and that was the only break in the weather.
All my stuff fit in the car, I had dinner and froyo with my dad, and then went to a sendoff for my friend who was leaving for a summer in Austin, Texas, the following morning. I had a nice breakfast with my dad on Sunday morning, then he dropped me at my friend's apartment and drove home. I stayed with my friend for three nights because we got hired as electricians for a storefront show downtown, which was both of our first paid, professional theater work. That experience was fantastic. It was really validating to apply those theatrical skills outside the context of student theater. It was also with a company that came from another university's student theater scene, so they all understood how intense and real our experiences were. They were also just great humans, and I'm excited to see the shows later this month.
That last good-bye was really, really difficult. It felt like the end of that campus being my domain in a really strange way. Because alumni come back all the time, and I will literally be there again in 11 days, but it felt oddly final to know I would not be returning for academic purposes. It was also crazy crowded at the airport, so that was oddly frustrating. But it was so great to be picked up by my brother and come home to my family.
In the week that I've been home, I have managed to organize my stuff, catch up with my grandmothers, see a handful of friends, and check off the two biggest transitional items from my to do list: car and apartment. Now I'm working through a really intense spreadsheet to figure out what I need and where it's coming from before I move at the end of the month. I'm really excited about all of this and I'm going to make myself blog about it so it gets recorded. I think I will be doing BEDA this August since that's when a lot of things are starting, or maybe doing a modified BEDA from mid-July to mid-August. I'm still figuring that out. But I'm going to force myself to write.
So, until next time, this has been a really crazy few weeks, and I know that the craziness is only going to continue.
Today is awesome because it's my friend's birthday, it's Independence Day, my car and apartment situations are sorted, and I have string lights, a shower curtain, and National Geographic prints already selected to decorate my space.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
From a Senior of 2014
Every other year of college, I have written a post to the seniors. The seniors who have been my friends and are graduating and moving on. It's really hard to write a post to your peers, the people you've grown up with through college, because I feel like we did it together. There's nothing I can really say that would be new or interesting or relevant. So, as the person who is graduating and moving on, instead of writing to the seniors, I am writing to the non-seniors.
College is crazy. You grow and change so much over the course of the four years, year by year, term by term. I remember when I started this blog as a freshman and all of the new things seemed so novel and every transition was such a big deal. That's not to say I'm totally jaded; I still try to appreciate every single opportunity, first moment, and last moment. I'm just not the same person I was in the fall of 2010. I'm sure none of you are who you were when you got here either.
I've been thinking a lot about friendship, and how my friendships this year have felt particularly close and important and true. Intense, even. You are the people I want to share all of my news with, and I sometimes have to remind myself to tell my family first because I'm so excited to tell you. We have our hangouts, our rituals, our adventures, and our projects. We value many of the same things with great importance. Saying my good-byes over the past week and in the coming week is so heartbreaking. You are important. You mean the world to me. I am going to miss being a student with you, but I am so excited to visit and see all of the ways you are training to take over the world. The world you rule is the one I want to live in.
I don't really know what else to say. I suppose my only sage words of wisdom are these: know your limits, take care of yourself, protect your time, and try to give that time only to things that truly matter to you. And maybe try to get some sleep. The rest, you already know.
And, since I would be remiss if I didn't make this one shoutout, I have a friend who has been my friend since we were both freshmen. We really did go through all of college together, and my experience at school has been irrefutably impacted by her. So, here's your special mention for being there for everything. Couldn't get through this kind of post without saying that.
I have some closing thoughts about friendship, and maybe I'm just a little too attuned to all the TFiOS hype, but there is a quotation that feel appropriate here. And while in context this was about love and death, I've been thinking about these ideas in terms of major life transitions when nothing will ever truly be the same again and maintaining or shifting the dynamics of my friendships to accommodate the new context of our lives.
"I am not a mathematician, but I know this. There is an infinite set between 0 and 1... Some infinities are bigger than other infinities...I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful." (259-260)
College is crazy. You grow and change so much over the course of the four years, year by year, term by term. I remember when I started this blog as a freshman and all of the new things seemed so novel and every transition was such a big deal. That's not to say I'm totally jaded; I still try to appreciate every single opportunity, first moment, and last moment. I'm just not the same person I was in the fall of 2010. I'm sure none of you are who you were when you got here either.
I've been thinking a lot about friendship, and how my friendships this year have felt particularly close and important and true. Intense, even. You are the people I want to share all of my news with, and I sometimes have to remind myself to tell my family first because I'm so excited to tell you. We have our hangouts, our rituals, our adventures, and our projects. We value many of the same things with great importance. Saying my good-byes over the past week and in the coming week is so heartbreaking. You are important. You mean the world to me. I am going to miss being a student with you, but I am so excited to visit and see all of the ways you are training to take over the world. The world you rule is the one I want to live in.
I don't really know what else to say. I suppose my only sage words of wisdom are these: know your limits, take care of yourself, protect your time, and try to give that time only to things that truly matter to you. And maybe try to get some sleep. The rest, you already know.
And, since I would be remiss if I didn't make this one shoutout, I have a friend who has been my friend since we were both freshmen. We really did go through all of college together, and my experience at school has been irrefutably impacted by her. So, here's your special mention for being there for everything. Couldn't get through this kind of post without saying that.
I have some closing thoughts about friendship, and maybe I'm just a little too attuned to all the TFiOS hype, but there is a quotation that feel appropriate here. And while in context this was about love and death, I've been thinking about these ideas in terms of major life transitions when nothing will ever truly be the same again and maintaining or shifting the dynamics of my friendships to accommodate the new context of our lives.
"I am not a mathematician, but I know this. There is an infinite set between 0 and 1... Some infinities are bigger than other infinities...I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful." (259-260)
Thanks for the love, everyone. I look forward to where the future takes us.
Today is awesome because of Nicole, Aaron, Sam, Joseph, Katy, Hannah, Brandee, Sam, Maddie, Elliott, Eloia, Linnea, Maggie, Eddie, Matthew, Jason, Tatyana, all my lighting babies (and ducklings), the community of Hobart House, StuCo, and this university that brought together such amazing people who have changed my life for the better.
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