2014 Happened

A lot happened in 2014. My year in review:

January:
DOLPHIN. Shrek took up most of my time. I wrote the first draft of my thesis. My classes were Family and Society, Thesis Seminar, and Sociological Theory. Had my first professional lighting gig for the SASA show. Began interviewing for my job.

February:
Helped out with Next to Normal, Querido, Cats Cradle, and Animal Style. Presented my thesis to the class and finished more drafts. I sprained my ankle.

March:
I had a birthday!! My fourth Dance Marathon happened and was wonderful. I did so much programming and learned a lot. I turned in my thesis, and it felt so good to finish that work. I spent two days of spring break interviewing in person for my job.

April:
Went back to school for my final term. Designed for a dance show that changed a lot of things for me. Everything broke at least twice and it was a frustrating week, but I became so much more confident as a lighting designer and fell in love with dance lighting. I got my job. I helped out with The Lilliput Troupe tech. My classes were Advanced Creative Drama, Gender Sexuality and Health, and  literature class. I had no classes on Tuesdays or Thursdays in a really wonderful way.

May:
My shows were Theatre Stands with Autism, Henry IV, Animals Out of Paper (mentorship/casual help), ballroom dance mentorship, Sweeney Todd, Peter Pan, and Wrestlepocalypse. I went to the lighting rental place for five weeks in a row and had weekly banter with the warehouse manager. I taught drama to children and it changed my life. I drove a U-Haul for a long distance for the first time and had literally no issues, including backing the truck into a loading dock on the first attempt.

June:
Mayfest Music Festival. Graduation. Working for Starkid. Moving. Spent a lot of time with close college friends before things changed for good. Bought a car.

July:
Car, apartment, trip to see Starkid shows. Life happening. Swimming.

August:
Started the job! Joined a gym (pool membership ended). Said goodbye to friends moving all over the country.

September:
Labor Day was my first day off in a long run of holidays. Found a really good gym routine. Did TRX Suspension Training. Started going to social events.

October:
Travel for a family event and university homecoming. Started seeing a new doctor.

November:
Back to TRX. I did (and won!) NaNoWriMo. Took a trip to see Amanda Palmer on her book tour. Did a lot of everything. Work intensified: Super Sunday, Camp Fair, Dialathon, Big Event. Plus my first show with the youth theater (yay going pro for realsies!). November was really busy.

December:
Two weeks of Peter Pan. One week of influenza. Closing the fundraising campaign. Two long weekends for Christmas and New Years.

It's been a really big year. There have been artistic endeavors, wonderful friendships, and big life events. I maybe wish I had blogged more, but the events themselves are great memories and document the year really well.

Here's to 2015 being another great year! May it be happy, healthy, full of love, and things happening that we want and/or need.

Today is awesome because I am approaching a long weekend. And there's only one more page on my page a day calendar.

My Favorite Thing about Autumn

I really like Autumn. Autumn and Spring are my favorite seasons for the same reasons: colors and moderate weather.

Today, I was driving down a tree-lined street, looking into the distance at a cluster of trees, and there were so many colors. The sun was shining, it was about 70 degrees Fahrenheit outside, and the trees were all shades of red, orange, yellow, and green. It was beautiful.

I grew up on a street lined with red maple trees, and they all changed at the same time. There are so many cycles that begin again in Autumn, and noticing the colors of the trees made me appreciate the beauty and reality of the changing seasons. We may be on a countdown until winter, but this transition is one of my favorite times of the year.

Today is awesome because I saw all of the colors in the trees.

Smartphones and Pockets: A Rant

So...it's been a while. Life has been happening! Since I've last written, I took a trip to see the professional shows I worked on, moved into my own apartment, and started my job. I also got hired to be the lighting designer for a youth theater group and am doing a 5-show season. All is well. It was a time of planning and spreadsheets and execution of plans, and I'm actually quite happily stable right now. I just don't have the most robust social life, but that will come. I'm not worried.

But that's not what I want to talk about today. Today, I want to talk about the size of smartphones relative to the size of pockets in clothing.

It is no secret that I am super angry about the lack of useful pockets in women's clothing. Our pants pockets are so much shallower than male counterparts that I have seriously considered buying men's pants just for the pockets. I went as far as trying on a pair of jeans. I was that serious. Anyway, with the size of smartphones these days (the larger iPhones and the crazy huge Samsung phones), where are we supposed to put these devices? I can't fit my smaller iPhone in the pocket of the pants I'm wearing today, let alone attempting to fit a larger device. And even though these things are getting thinner and lighter, that doesn't mean they can fit in pockets.

So I'm going to propose a crazy solution: PUT BETTER POCKETS IN WOMEN'S CLOTHING! That means jeans, trousers, skirts, dresses, blazers, cardigans...everything. There is a disconnect between the technology industry and the fashion industry that needs to be reconciled.

I cannot feel my phone vibrate if it is in a purse. I don't even like carrying a purse. So give me decent pockets.

Today is awesome because it is nearly a long weekend.

Graduation and Such

So...I graduated. 2 weeks ago, actually. It was kind of crazy. I'm not really sure what you're supposed to feel at this milestone, but I really just felt like a bunch of ceremonies. It doesn't feel real. I think it's only going to feel real when my friends go back to school and I don't.

Anyway, my family got to town on the Wednesday of graduation week. I saw them before heading off to Last Lecture with a friend. The lecturer was awesome; she had a great speaking style that resonated with every person in the room. She gave us six life lessons:

1. Find out who you are. Do this by talking to people at bars because it is one of the few venues for unscripted interpersonal interaction. 
2. Develop your politics. Strive for justice. 
3. Think critically, see how power works, and navigate accordingly. 
4. If you see something, say something. 
5. Pay attention to artists. And pay artists. 
6. Aim for a balanced life. 

It was a great speech. 

The following day, I just hung out with my mom and we had the first of two family dinners. Friday was the big day: Commencement. I took the shuttle to the stadium with my dorm friend, and then we had to split up because we were in different colleges within the university. I didn't know the people I was sitting with, but I ended up texting my family and snapchatting my friends at the critical moments I wanted to share. My three closest friends attended the ceremony, and it was fun to find them in the crowd based on the pictures they were sending me. I felt like Sherlock with my deductive abilities. 

I made the terrible mistake of choosing to walk back from the stadium in my commencement shoes, so I had to take a rest stop just past the halfway point. My friend was kind enough to provide a couch and water, and i was a bit of a mess at that point. It took me an hour and a half to return to my dorm to regroup, and then I met my family to go to my departmental ceremony. We got our certificates for the award of distinction for the thesis (I also had honors), and it was the last time I had to talk about that research. Then I took a shower and a nap before the second family dinner. 

Saturday was the convocation ceremony for my college, and I had breakfast and the mandatory family photo shoot before heading to the stadium. I sat with friends from my thesis seminar because we were seated by major. The convocation speaker was an alumnus and gave the best speech of the weekend. I have another alum friend who was a senior when I was a freshman who is now a professional photographer, and it was cool to see him there. He took my picture which felt really special. My friend who was on DM and Wrestlepocalypse with me cheered for me as I walked across the stage in the third to last major, and then the thing was over. I took some more pictures, returned my academic regalia, and got on a bus back to campus so I could move out that afternoon. In the evening after checking out of the dorm my dad and I got caught in a huge rainstorm, and that was the only break in the weather. 

All my stuff fit in the car, I had dinner and froyo with my dad, and then went to a sendoff for my friend who was leaving for a summer in Austin, Texas, the following morning. I had a nice breakfast with my dad on Sunday morning, then he dropped me at my friend's apartment and drove home. I stayed with my friend for three nights because we got hired as electricians for a storefront show downtown, which was both of our first paid, professional theater work. That experience was fantastic. It was really validating to apply those theatrical skills outside the context of student theater. It was also with a company that came from another university's student theater scene, so they all understood how intense and real our experiences were. They were also just great humans, and I'm excited to see the shows later this month. 

That last good-bye was really, really difficult. It felt like the end of that campus being my domain in a really strange way. Because alumni come back all the time, and I will literally be there again in 11 days, but it felt oddly final to know I would not be returning for academic purposes. It was also crazy crowded at the airport, so that was oddly frustrating. But it was so great to be picked up by my brother and come home to my family. 

In the week that I've been home, I have managed to organize my stuff, catch up with my grandmothers, see a handful of friends, and check off the two biggest transitional items from my to do list: car and apartment. Now I'm working through a really intense spreadsheet to figure out what I need and where it's coming from before I move at the end of the month. I'm really excited about all of this and I'm going to make myself blog about it so it gets recorded. I think I will be doing BEDA this August since that's when a lot of things are starting, or maybe doing a modified BEDA from mid-July to mid-August. I'm still figuring that out. But I'm going to force myself to write. 

So, until next time, this has been a really crazy few weeks, and I know that the craziness is only going to continue. 

Today is awesome because it's my friend's birthday, it's Independence Day, my car and apartment situations are sorted, and I have string lights, a shower curtain, and National Geographic prints already selected to decorate my space. 

From a Senior of 2014

Every other year of college, I have written a post to the seniors. The seniors who have been my friends and are graduating and moving on. It's really hard to write a post to your peers, the people you've grown up with through college, because I feel like we did it together. There's nothing I can really say that would be new or interesting or relevant. So, as the person who is graduating and moving on, instead of writing to the seniors, I am writing to the non-seniors. 

College is crazy. You grow and change so much over the course of the four years, year by year, term by term. I remember when I started this blog as a freshman and all of the new things seemed so novel and every transition was such a big deal. That's not to say I'm totally jaded; I still try to appreciate every single opportunity, first moment, and last moment. I'm just not the same person I was in the fall of 2010. I'm sure none of you are who you were when you got here either. 

I've been thinking a lot about friendship, and how my friendships this year have felt particularly close and important and true. Intense, even. You are the people I want to share all of my news with, and I sometimes have to remind myself to tell my family first because I'm so excited to tell you. We have our hangouts, our rituals, our adventures, and our projects. We value many of the same things with great importance. Saying my good-byes over the past week and in the coming week is so heartbreaking. You are important. You mean the world to me. I am going to miss being a student with you, but I am so excited to visit and see all of the ways you are training to take over the world. The world you rule is the one I want to live in. 

I don't really know what else to say. I suppose my only sage words of wisdom are these: know your limits, take care of yourself, protect your time, and try to give that time only to things that truly matter to you. And maybe try to get some sleep. The rest, you already know. 

And, since I would be remiss if I didn't make this one shoutout, I have a friend who has been my friend since we were both freshmen. We really did go through all of college together, and my experience at school has been irrefutably impacted by her. So, here's your special mention for being there for everything. Couldn't get through this kind of post without saying that. 

I have some closing thoughts about friendship, and maybe I'm just a little too attuned to all the TFiOS hype, but there is a quotation that feel appropriate here. And while in context this was about love and death, I've been thinking about these ideas in terms of major life transitions when nothing will ever truly be the same again and maintaining or shifting the dynamics of my friendships to accommodate the new context of our lives. 

"I am not a mathematician, but I know this. There is an infinite set between 0 and 1... Some infinities are bigger than other infinities...I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful." (259-260)

Thanks for the love, everyone. I look forward to where the future takes us. 

Today is awesome because of Nicole, Aaron, Sam, Joseph, Katy, Hannah, Brandee, Sam, Maddie, Elliott, Eloia, Linnea, Maggie, Eddie, Matthew, Jason, Tatyana, all my lighting babies (and ducklings), the community of Hobart House, StuCo, and this university that brought together such amazing people who have changed my life for the better. 

Will this be the last time?

Will this be the last time I…?

It’s the perpetual question this week. And it scares me because I know that at some point in the next seven days the answer will be yes.

The last time I stand in this spot. 
The last time I spend with these people in this way. 
The last time these things I’ve called home will so purely be mine.

Saying goodbye is one of the hardest things we ever have to do.

Why is everything do magical at night? The pretty things seem more pretty and the in pretty things fade into the darkness. Architectural lights give the lot world a grey cast that makes you recognize how everything can be so…ephemeral.

And nature at night. It just fixes things. And I sit at the end of senior year on the same stargazing rock I sat upon three years ago around this time when I was no longer a freshman and not quite a sophomore, just past the no swimming sign. Where I went for journaling and other bad writing and failed meditation though the years of college. To being here now. At the end. Confused by everything I am feeling and planning and pondering.

I feel like there’s something symbolic about walking across a bridge with a streetlamp’s reflection in still water to my left and the moon’s light reflected on the rippling lake to my right, and just beyond that the twinkling skyline of the city that has stolen my heart. I don’t quite know what it is yet.

Somehow the lake water lapping settles my racing mind. Nothing will ever be the same. That’s okay. It has to be okay. I will be okay. But for now I just listen and find peace.

I’m tired now. It’s time.

Thoughts on the Second Half of Spring Quarter

About halfway through the quarter, I posted my awesome list of awesome things. Other awesome things that have happened since then:

• Going to the local Comic Con with my friends where I saw Eve Myles, Natalia Tena, Kristian Nairn, The Thrilling Adventure Hour, Yaya Han, Ashley Eckstein, Stan Lee, Espionage Cosmetics, got a bunch of free books, and found vendors I recognized from previous years. It was a super fun weekend!
• Spring shows: Graffiti Dancers, Henry IV, Theatre Stands with Autism, Sweeney Todd, Peter Pan, and Wrestlepocalypse. 
• In May, I got a random midnight text from a friend that got me out of bed and to a party of theater techies. It was a night of wonderful humans existing together that made me feel loved and included. A night that looked like it was going to end anticlimactically turned into a wonderful 12-4AM with lovely friends. Totally awesome. 
• At the cast party for one of the shows, I got a lot of external validation from a lot of people I didn't think noticed my work. I was told that I made that show better and that I was the clear choice to mentor younger designers. It was super cool and kind of hilarious. 
• Wrestlepocalypse/Dillo weekend. Pocs is such a family in the weirdest way, and I got to have a lot of fun with my last design of college. Two of the founders of the institution came to the show and loved it. One of them is a lighting designer who said I did a great job, which was extra cool because it came from a stranger. All of my lighting babies from the entire year saw the show and noticed my lights, which was super cool. I got to text with/be with the upperclassmen who mentored me on my first ever college show during my last ever college show, and that was the coolest bookend ever. 
• Dillo was super fun. I saw nearly everybody who I wanted to see, the weather was perfect, and I simply loved being outside in the sun for six hours. I heard OK Go play their set and was near a bunch of great friends throughout, especially a friend who is obsessed with this band. Dillo is a day frozen in time where the only past you think of is past Dillos and you ignore the future. It was blissful. 
• Seeing The Fault in Our Stars movie with Hannah and Katy. The movie was perfect and they were the perfect people to see it with. It had to be them. 

This past week, however, has been a huge week for recognition as a senior. I won a lot of awards, which I had hoped for but wasn't expecting. I got the Community Builder Award from Hillel (presented by my good friend Amelia; I spent a lot of hours with her leading up to that and still had no idea she was presenting for me), Senior Thesis of Distinction in Sociology, Hobart House Best Hugger and adorable senior sendoff package (it was little things with clever tags, like play-doh "to mold your future" and glow sticks "to light the way"), Certificate of Participation and Completion for my internship program from last year, and Departmental Honors in Sociology. It was a lot, and all very happy. 

I've had a lot of thoughts lately about graduating and friendship that will be a separate post, and I realize that I have been busier living my life than writing about it on this blog. Now that school is ending, I will be documenting some more of these concluding thoughts here. 

Today is awesome because of the weather and getting things done and seeing friends.