Now that it's been a full day, I can think about it, process it, and I've seen the video footage and gotten some feedback. The first part of my test went well. I'm putting a lot of mental weight on two mistakes that nobody else saw, but it was a good test. Here's the rundown. (this is not my best prose, but I'm tired)
We started with sit ups, then judo push ups, then push ups. We did a lot of that kind of stuff to start. It wasn't awful. I think my cold/cough from the end of the school year really contributed to my abdominal strength.
We demonstrated flexibility by doing certain stretches. I was the most flexible (by report/vido) and apparently that made me stand out. Cool.
We did some more calisthenics. I was called out for doing a certain type of sit up correctly, which incidentally made me have an extra set of them. It was lying on your back, legs straight up in the air (90 degrees), and crunch up to touch toes. Not terrible.
This was followed by a demonstration of basic techniques. We punched, blocked, and kicked for a while.
We started with forms. All six candidates did a pretty rapid fire ki bon cho dan through pal gue pal jang (first 9 forms you learn) and that was good. Then we had a water break and the two adults in their 50s were sent to the side while the rest of us did some upper level forms. This was when things got a little mentally rough for me. The asked for a re-do of one that I was setting the pace for, and my first performance was awesome (judged by video), but I was thinking about the panel's comments so much that I blanked on a move and messed up that one spot. Incorrect hand technique. Then we did the last form for the junior cho dan candidate, and I blanked on a stance in that one, so that felt bad. Then I finished the form really strong. Nobody seems to have noticed my mistakes but me, but that doesn't mean they didn't exist, and I wish I hadn't gotten so mentally messed up. I need to tune everything out next week, even the panel's comments, so I can do everything the way I've practiced. I can get feedback after the test; it's not like I'm going anywhere. Next, we did the rest of the upper level forms.
After we finished with forms, we were called out for a final fitness test. We had to do push ups until we were either unable to do them or we were told to be done. I was mandated to be finished after two rounds. The real test was for the 50-year-old candidate for third degree, who had to do a bajillion push ups of various types, speeds, and challenges. There was a point when he had to hit an instructors hand that was flat on the ground with his chest and then explode off the ground to hit a second instructor's hand that was slightly above his fully extended position. It was an amazing sight to see, and he deserved the applause he got.
Then we talked with our examiners, bowed out, and the test was over. I was congratulated by friends after it ended.
Now the reflections. Objectively, I did well. Out of the entire test, I made two mistakes. I feel bad about them because I know better, but I'll find a way to make peace with it. I knew going in that there was going to be psychological warfare, and that's what had left me nauseated with anxiety all week, and it got to me halfway through the test. Then I got control of my mind again, but it was bad. After watching the video, I realize that the panel talked a lot. Like, out of an hour of footage, I think I have 10-20 minutes of action. There is a lot of me standing while masters are talking. Seeing that today makes me frustrated about how that went yesterday. Time to forget the last pitch and get ready for next week.
I think because I am a perfectionist and overachiever by nature, knowing that I made mistakes is inherently going to bother me, but after hearing from respected friends and instructors that I did well and nobody noticed my mistakes but me, I am deciding that it was a good test.
Cool things that happened before/during/after. Before, I got there super early to warm up. I was in my uniform pants and white t-shirt, but I put on a hoodie and listened to music, and I felt like an olympic gymnast. It did the trick, though, and got me sufficiently pumped to do the test. When the third degree candidate was leading warm ups, he did some advising/pep talking, and it was really good. I think it helped us become a testing class rather than a bunch of people who were testing. I appreciated him. He was in my last test. My closest instructor did my grading, and that was awesome. Like, really really awesome. My parents were there and really supportive. This isn't cool, but Master Ted gave the speech about how goal-oriented I was when I started training in high school. The story is losing its punch now that it's so old, but it's his thing about me, so whatever. I think he should have a new story by now.
I've already been working toward part 2. It's a bit more piecemeal, but all the components are coming together. It's going to be great. (That's my go-to positive thinking phrase, but if I say it, it usually comes to pass, so, yes, it is going to be great).
Today is awesome because of training and having lunch with Avery and ice cream.
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