My desktop background is a slide show of my photos. It cycles through an entire album I've dedicated to this purpose, and that album has contained photos of family, camp, travels, friends, high school, and college. Recently, I've edited its contents to a few group shots of my friends, some tae kwon do photos, and my pics from the Triple Rainbow Awesome Tour, Ragtime, and DM.
Whenever I look at any of my photos, I am instantly taken back to that moment when it was taken. What was I doing? Who was I with? What led up to that moment? What happened after? How were we feeling? How have my feelings changed as I become distanced from the experience? It all happens in a moment.
Watching my desktop cycle through the photos, I'm realizing how fast time moves and how unique these moments are. I can never relive any of them because even if I could go back in time to be in the exact same place with the exact same people, I would be different because I would be my present self who had already experienced that event. That's really the fun of life; the fact that we have to make the most of things as they happen because those moments cannot be replaced.
I know this is sounding like I'm realizing the truth of a cliche, but it's really a realization about people. Many of the friends I have been sharing these amazing experiences with are older than me, and, whether I like it or not, they will be leaving the university before I will. And the sensation of losing friends is more acute than in high school because then there were always days to visit, but after college, people get jobs and move away to start their lives. Not much visiting then.
There will continue to be Dolphin Shows and Dance Marathons and other such immortal events, but I only get to participate four times. This year was my first time with these experiences, and I will always have these memories, but my first year was also the last year for so many of my friends. It leaves me wondering what will happen next year and the subsequent years and how I and they fit into the future of the event.
I shouldn't be this bleak and nostalgic, and I'm really not sad about anything I did; these are my favorite memories of college so far. I just struggle with the impermanence of the people who are so central to my life right now. I'm going to miss them a lot, but when I really think about it I know that I'll meet first-years next year who will become my friends and then worry about me graduating. It's just a cycle. Each moment is its own experience and there will always be a person present or missing to make it meaningful.
Today is awesome because I got to reflect on some truly amazing moments I shared with some truly amazing people.
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